You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
