i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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