Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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