Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
