I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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