I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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