I looked at my own cervix.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
