Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
