R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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