My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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