Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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