we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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