I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
organizing the empties. That sober.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
