i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
