i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
