i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
