Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
