I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
