I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
