Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
