I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
