Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
