i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
