she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
