Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
