Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
