I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
