tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
