Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
