Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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