Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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