and she was petting her beer can
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
