i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize