just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
