I think I died a long time ago.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
