yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
