so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
