My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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