I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
as a side note pls kill me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
