As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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