I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
