After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
