I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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