literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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