It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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