the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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