She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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