you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
