so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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