the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
