My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
