Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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