Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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