the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
