I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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