don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
