I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
