you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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