im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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