im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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