I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
