Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
