i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
