Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
